Scariness

There are moments when time freezes. Everyone has these. When a sudden realization or piece of bad news makes your heart stop, your stomach drop and your blood run cold. Shivers race up your spine when you accidentally hurt a loved one or learn of some shocking heartache. Such a strong, automatic physical and emotional response to something your mind perceives. It's awful.

I feel like I've been privy to a lot of these lately. Summer proudly, silently feeds the baby raisins while I'm in the other room. What if he had choked instead of vomited? We lost Summer for almost 10 minutes at a crowded Sydney Harbour last month and I about vomited as the minutes ticked by spurring ever more terrorizing scenarios in my head. A new friend tearfully shared how her daughter died of SIDS years ago, still adjusting to the question, "How many kids do you have?" This was just five minutes after a new acquaintance clutched my baby, disclosing how it helps her heal from a miscarriage caused by sexual assault last year. A good, sweet friend of mine was killed last week in a motorcycle accident while on 2nd honeymoon with her husband in Hawaii. Jubilant soul, mother of four, Primary president, gorgeous dancer and generous friend with the most infectious laugh. And then there's the seemingly perpetual news that cancer has yet again, plagued a loved one.

That such things happen to people, always throws me. That some are forced to lose a spouse or a child, sometimes instantly, violently... it's just too much. Through even my brief glimpse and imaginings recently, I can hardly absorb the thought. Yet people have to live such nightmares, day in and day out, all over the world, every day. My heart breaks. And my prayers are markedly more earnest lately for peace to rest on their souls - to guide them through to the other side. Where I hope and believe with all my heart, that they will be reunited in their loved ones' embrace and all will somehow be made right. Until then, let us be gentle with one another - one never knows what deep heartache another is suffering.