Adventures in Amsterdam

coolest property: canals, animals, tramp, fields, barns

biking to the shops

who needs a child seat - got rope?

Similar to our Fijian "layover" on the way home from Australia, we opted to spend a few days in Amsterdam on our way to the UK. What a treat! The Netherlands/Holland is a wet, green land of canals, bicycles, weed, pancakes, windmills, cheese, chocolate, stroopwaffles and wooden shoes. The people are friendly, the nightlife is memorable, and the history rich. We thoroughly enjoyed our stay.

one word: jetlag

After a fairly uneventful ten hour flight, we hastily grabbed a few days' worth of things from our duffels and put them in storage at the airport (a 21 bag "record" - the workers even took pics, but in hindsight: possibly worth the struggle to have transported them, as it ended up costing an arm and a leg.) Darren had booked an Airbnb outside of town that boasted animals on the property and bikes for getting into town. Despite the major issue of having no children' bikes/seats (& the bed bugs!) it was a delightful, old place out in the countryside and the littles did love meandering amongst the farm animals. We arrived before it was ready so we all crashed on the porch for a few hours while the boys threw rocks in the green canals and pet the horses, pigs, chickens, sheep and froggies.

That afternoon as folks slept off their jet lag, I told Desi to hold on tight and we took a beautiful, bumpy ride through small dirt paths in green, wet fields to the nearest shop. Shopping for groceries in a new country is one of my favorite parts about traveling abroad, so we took our time and enjoyed the guesswork that foreign language/packaging affords. Unfortunately, I had to leave my cart full of delicious Dutch delicassies at the store as they only took cash or bank cards. The only other food option was a Burger King nearby (gross) and there my card was denied. But the manager took pity on me and my plight and comped us the food, asking that we come pay later. Once Darren awoke, we took a sunset ride back through the fields and paid the kind man, but alas the market was closed. Upon third try in the morning, I finally successfully purchased the food and had a lovely "European" breakfast waiting for all our sleepy heads.

girls were really soaking it all in on our canal ride...

Van Gogh Museum was impressive

Dan the Man

The next day was spent downtown at three different museums, followed by a canal cruise and dinner. The Anne Frank House (which we’d followed good advice to purchase tix to months ago) was well done and much larger than I’d imagined. The “coffee shops” (where people buy/sell/smoke marijuana) were hardly noticeable and it seemed a very family friendly city to me. It’s truly an anomaly with all the waterways, myriad bikes, and cars/humanity flowing over each flower filled bridge.

always wanted to try a HOT stroopwaffle 

it only took this guy 5 minutes to make a pair of wooden shoes

the green growth on the water in all the small canals was so beautiful

We were all sufficiently exhausted to avoid another zombie night of jet lag, we hoped.

The next morn, I biked Will to a bus with my phone and some cash, to catch a train down one hour to see his friend Aiden who moved from Utah last year. Proud of him for having the courage to travel out on his own in a totally foreign place! The rest of us did some touristy things in the smaller surrounding villages, like cheese-tasting, windmills, painted houses, a wooden shoe factory and some seafood at the seaside.

A few of us were coming down with something, but after a hot shower and nap, I felt like a million bucks, and since everyone else wanted to hit the hay Darren joked "well, you can just bike in and see the famous red light district alone." I think he regretted it as I latched onto the idea, but with Google maps, a half working bike and our one working phone, I felt ready to take on the world. I'd heard Amsterdam is quite safe so I started off at dusk, (40 minutes each way but the bike paths were mostly lit except for the final 15 min stretch back to our country home.) Man, the nightlife of Amsterdam is world-renowned for a reason! While the night workers in the windows were more disturbing than enticing, the lighted bridges, canals, alleys and streets all crawling with people and action and food and movement - it was a smorgasbord of life. I'm glad I didn't miss it. (And I'm glad Darren and Will did!)

The Move

waiting for the taxi van upon landing in England (we filled it to the brim with our 28 bags)

our cross-the-creek cousins tearful goodbye

besties torn apart - Isa was one of the fam :( 

We applied for this job over a year ago. Heard nothing for about nine months - like, it just disappeared. We even visited Cheltenham on our 2 wk UK adventure (to celebrate Darren's graduation) but we basically wrote it off. Then in a flurry of excitement, it was back on the table and Voila, he landed it. The kids had had over a year to get used to the idea, let it sit and settle, see it pass by, miss it and then realize that yes, we did want to go if we got the chance again. I must say I'm proud of their courage in accepting our invitation to do this together. With Kenna just about to enter high school, and Annie going into Junior High, they've felt the sting the worst, but have been bravely enthusiastic about the exciting change and newness, especially imagining the European travel that will be available to us.

tantrum to dead asleep during LONG customs 

getting creative with Danny's sleepy head

just a couple of the injuries during our move week 

late night games/feast/goodbye party - miss these peeps

My dear Mom recently passed away so the lead up to this move has been unique. The grieving, family engagements/trips, and settling of her estate has taken the forefront of all my energies this summer, so a couple days before we were to pack up, things got serious and we filled our 10 trusty green

sweet girl wanted lunch at my
parents' gravesite after her baptism

duffels with everything we might need for the next two months while our stuff would be in transit. With school/sports starting soon upon our arrival, the "to do" and "to pack" lists on my phone were significant, and Darren was a true magician selling/fixing/buying/arranging in timely manner - we managed to keep just ahead of the packers and get it all done. Darren was in and out of town that week (driving the minivan to CA for shipment and a prior-planned sibling trip), and our movers weren't super professional (some disturbing stories there) so it was hairy with me running on just a few hours sleep a night. But we made it into our hotel, borrowed a car or two (thanks Steve & Skidmores), hosted Summer's baptism, swam, ate and lived it up with friends & family for 11 days, (even popping into the ER three separate times for a car crash, broken foot, and head wound!) By the time the painful goodbyes came, our emotions were running high and many tears flowed. We so treasure our close family relationships cultivated there, and the exceptional friendships that have blossomed between our children and their peers. It was a hard goodbye.

Back In the Saddle Again

Well, that last post was a doozy to end on, four years ago! Wowsers. Glad life has improved since then :) We have definitely ridden some major waves since and survived some major lows, but life is real good. And now that we're overseas again, it's time to dust off this old blog. (Instagram ain't gonna cut it as far as documenting the fam in England for our collective memories, methinks.)

Our years back in Utah were wonderfully rich with family  time, and the kids have grown bigger and stronger with all the many extracurriculars they were involved in. Will thrived on a couple State championship rugby teams (and got a few concussions from football, to boot), Kenna developed into a stunning dancer and songwriter, Annie made short work of adding lacrosse to her soccer skills, Summer honed her love of dance and performing, and Des & Dan enjoyed Joyschool with me at home (continuing to climb, wrestle and jump off everything in sight.) Darren completed an Executive MBA at the UofU (so proud of him, but it just about killed me solo parenting six kids from newborn to teens), and I got lucky enough to share my hobby with the kids as they each were able to do a few screen productions with the great film crews of Utah (even starring in a couple school plays.) It has been awesome.

And now we start a new adventure...we just moved to Cheltenham, England for the next 3 years. Being in the Cotswolds, (a couple hours west of London by the Welch border) we are initially impressed at the gorgeousness of our surroundings. The kids are being champs despite some of the road bumps I'll document later. Slowly, we are settling in, and I think this is going to be great.

Much love and stay tuned!

Keepin' It Real, Folks

 I cry a lot these days. I was patting myself on the back after the herculean effort of making it to my child’s school program with three littles in tow. Apparently, I didn’t get the memo, but there were no other kids there. I don’t know if they had nannies or preschool or no siblings or what, but there I was, handing out cheese sticks and making paper air planes to keep my three settled and quiet in the crowded classroom. We even left early, but Doggonit I had gotten the four of us fed, dressed, parked and in there on time. I even put lipstick on! So I was slightly stunned when I asked how the rest of it went (left early before the kids could act up) and learned that apparently, I’m totally embarrassing. Why? Because I look like a “couch potato slob who doesn’t wear make-up, do her hair or try to look good by wearing clothes that match.” Oh, and I’m “really big” as in “really fat.” 

Okay… 

That sorta stung. Usually I’m not bothered by this. (Being embarrassed by your parents is a childhood rite of passage.) I know I’m not the average SLC mom who has it all together with her hair and nails done in her LuluLemon attire – I almost take pride in not being that norm. But I’ve always found solace thinking I was attractive in a “natural beauty” sort of way and don’t want to get bogged down by all that superficial stuff anyway. This time I guess it felt different though because it came from my child who generally doesn’t notice or care about such stuff. And it came at a time when I was already down and out. Life has dealt me some lemons lately and I’m barely holding it together. It felt bad to see my “victory” of the day seen as such a failure in the eyes of the one I was sacrificing for. I said so. Gently, and calmly, then cried my eyes out in silence as I sat down to nurse my newborn for the four hundredth time today. Cracked nipple pain aside, I was sitting in the midst of overturned boardgames, dying plants, piles of folded laundry toppling over at each jumping antic of my 2 year old, and a disaster of a house, correcting my 8 year old’s violin practice between my tears. I guess I could officially say I’m overwhelmed. I thought it was the thrush – day after wicked day of cheese-grater-on-the-nipples pain – but maybe it’s just the six kids. All the backtalk, the tantrums, the nagging to stay on task, the attitude, the relentless mess-making, the quarreling, the sheer volume of diapers! Maybe it’s just that it really is too much for me. Me who always thinks I can do it all. Well, that ain’t happening. 

I’m tired. And spent. And discouraged. I keep reading “gentle parenting” books but still I lash out in frustration. I resolve every morning to remain loving and patient – and crawl in bed with guilt every night at my lack of self-control. Will it ever feel doable again? Of course it will, right? This is just a low point, right? When I get rid of this infection and don’t have all these extra demands on my time/energy (nursing every 1.5 hrs, laundering everything in vinegar daily, creams/ointments after every nursing, 25+ pills a day, crazy dietary restrictions, etc.) I mean, really, my depressed state is probably in large part to having to cut out every happy, convenient food I enjoy (dairy, carbs, fruit, sugar.) Happiness is getting to eat a sandwich or cookie again, pouring a bowl of cereal or *gasp* grabbing a piece of fruit on the go. For crying out loud. No wonder I’m so miserable. 

But thrush-issues aside, I have to remain hopeful. Not knowing how or when it will all feel doable again is really crippling me. That and being a sleep-deprived zombie. I’m sort of a wreck. So I must tell myself this too shall pass. I remind myself that at least my babies are healthy. That at least we can afford the medications and have enough food and shelter. That my husband is supportive and our kids are thriving and safe. That their needing me so intensely is a very good AND temporary thing. I say “yes” when someone offers a hand. And pray for each person who saves me – whether it’s a meal, a playdate, a carpool run, a green smoothie at my door, a shoulder to cry on, or just sweeping my nasty floor. These people are like Saints to me. These people that don’t just say, but do because they can see those tears welling up when they ask how I’m doing and know I just need anything really. Because it makes me feel loved and cared for and reminds me that I just might be able to actually do this new life we’ve gotten ourselves into. Bless them forever.

My child was apologetic and understanding. I do realize I’m not truly overweight and someday I might actually have a new outfit or hairstyle and that it really means nothing in the long run. But I have to travel those miles. I have to do the time and live the days and eventually get to that place because no one is going to do it for me. And if I’m sloppy and grouchy and frazzled at times to get there, so be it. But we will get there. And they will survive. Perhaps even thrive. And someday I might come visit my own son or daughter and help them through their sixth newborn phase. And I’ll say, “This is only temporary – you’ll get it together, I promise.” Then I’ll go clean all their bathrooms and do all their laundry and order some amazing take out for them to eat for a month. (Sidenote: My sweet mom would help, but is battling her own health issues so my wonderful mother in law came out for a week to help us last month.) The point is, this life is messy and hard and sometimes you find yourself all thrashed up and barely hanging on by your fingernails. And you just cry. But it’s okay because that’s when you find your courage. And you lean on the strength of others. That’s when you pray - and extend grace and gentleness to yourself. You remember they really won’t die living on cereal, popsicles and Netflix for a couple more months. That’s when you really find out what you’re made of because eventually you all get through!

And I’m gonna get through.

POST-EDIT--------------------------------------------------------------------

What a beautiful outpouring of kindness we experienced after this post. Such love and support and encouragement and service was overwhelming and uplifting and healing to me and my family! From loving emails/messages to a church sign up for playdates to faraway friends recruiting locals to come clean the house - what a support system!  We were so blessed by more than just shiny bathrooms and healthy groceries but the beautiful friendship and service that was extended blew me away. THANK YOU!!!

I am feeling enormously better. While it's not entirely gone, my crazy efforts/diet made the pain go away and I'm now cautiously introducing regular foods again. So far so good! Nursing is truly the best, and makes my heart melt in a mushy mess of love every time we sit down together. I'm so glad we don't have to give it up!

xoxo

The Return

After 17 fairly sleepless and fidgety hours, we touched down on American soil. Darren had come back "home" for work a couple times but it had been over three years for the kids and me. LAX and customs were okay but just seeing those Utah mountains come into view got me misty-eyed. It truly did feel like coming home just to be in the good old USofA again.

And I'm willing to bet there's never been a more wonderful welcome party. Our family totally outdid themselves with banners and posters and lifesize pics of our faces (what?!). We were completely surprised and overwhelmed by the outpouring of love they embraced us with at our arrival. The night was spent hugging and laughing and catching up - a reunion I can't adequately capture with words. Man, it had been a long time! The kids were walking on air with their cousins everywhere and all shuttled off to each others' houses for sleepovers. Des and Summer were oohed and ahhhed over and immediately accepted their "new" extended family with all that love in the air.

visiting Dad's grave with the fam was a special moment

cousin shenanigans

The next few weeks were spent at a hotel in a new part of downtown, City Creek, that we had ample time to explore and enjoy. Riding Trax, hiking the foothills, rediscovering museums and parks and restaurants we remembered. Oh, the restaurants. American food, people. It's to die for. (And the portions are literally to die for, if you know what I mean, but who's complaining?) When Will realized the root beer floats were bottomless, as were the fries - his head pretty much exploded. We had so much fun falling in love with Salt Lake again. Not to mention all the cousin time and catching up with friends and family. Reunions every day!

um, bottomless drink options?

Darren had worked long distance with a designer and contractors for months to get our kitchen/main level remodeled and ready for arrival (which it was and is glorious!) but our shipment was delayed due to some paperwork mishandling. We were hotel living for longer than was truly comfortable (over a month in total) but we made the best of it and enjoyed the pool and the adventures. Usually D would spend most of the day getting the house set up and ready for us to inhabit again while I'd entertain the kids around town. We'd get together for dinner and work at the house until 11pm or so then I'd scoot back to the hotel with the sleepy ones and tuck them in bed and he'd roll in with some food around 1am. He was a champ - there's just so much to organize and connect and sign up when you're trying to get house/finances/life up and running again. Tiring, but we did it.

boredom: the kids tallied cars from our room window one day

Extended living out of two hotel rooms and a mini-fridge can get interesting with seven peeps though! One night held a particularly memorable low point, Darren was sick with the flu and I zipped out to grab some Nyquil with a fussy Des on my shoulders while Summer slept and the big kids were engrossed in the Disney Channel. The new market "up the street" was a little longer walk than imagined and of course, I grabbed more than I should've as we were totally out of food (oh, the long and endless American grocery aisles filled with cheap, exciting and unnecessary "food" products!!) so returning at 11pm with Des wriggling off my shoulders and more bags than is humanly possible hanging from each arm...I was stopping every 10 feet to readjust, Des was crying, the brown bag handles were breaking and I honestly wondered how I'd make it back. A kind-hearted cook was just ending his restaurant shift when he noticed my sorry state and offered me a ride in his car. Okay, not something you generally do in any downtown area of any city late at night, but honestly I was desperate and my intuition was at peace, so we hopped in for the last few blocks. I know, it was crazy stupid but I'll never forget the goodness of that stranger who took pity on a young mom and rescued my sorry self from my own bad decision!

lots of swimming and TV cuddle time that month