Don't Say It

When's bubs due?

Are you guys expecting?

Oh, I bet we're due around the same time!

Aww, is this next one a boy or girl?

Congratulations! When are you due?

When you said you'd been sick, I just knew!

Are you...?? (pats belly, raised eyebrows, knowing smile)

Alright people. I've let it lie for a long time, but with the whole Kate Middleton one day post-delivery baby bump chatter, I had to throw in my two cents. Which is pretty much summed up perfectly in:

THIS ARTICLE

You've probably already seen it passed around FB but if not, seriously, please read it - it's beautiful. A mother's body is an incredibly amazing thing that goes through miraculous and mind-blowing transformation as it grows and feeds a baby. In fact, it's one of my favorite things about pregnancy, the magic show that is my body - especially as watched through the older siblings' eyes.

But it takes 9 months to get there. And should be allowed to take as much time to return to it's new normal afterwards. Or more time, if you're breastfeeding. In fact, my particular body needs about 12 months, or until the last drop of the last milk has been suckled out of it, before I lose that last 10 lbs or so. And while I've been blessed to never feel too self-conscious about my weight or shape, it has only been that year after giving birth that I've felt uncomfortable with my frame, in large part due to the number of times I receive the comments listed above. And I am not alone! I've commiserated with quite a few friends about this.

My point is... If it's not your body, DON'T comment on it.

If you're not 100% sure a woman is pregnant (ie: she is in her hospital gown at the maternity ward) DON'T ask if she's expecting - or when her due date is - or if it's a boy or a girl.

If you are not a family member, DON'T touch another woman's belly without asking! (It's awkie enough when she is pregnant, but what if she's not??)

And if it's you this is happening to - decide on a good response beforehand to avoid tears of frustration afterwards! I go with "Oh, my body holds onto the baby belly until I'm done nursing." OR  "Nope, not pregnant, just leftovers from this beautiful little babe." OR "Well, it was my fifth, so...(cutmesomefreakin'slackwhydontcha)" OR the selfless approach "No, no, don't worry about it - I get asked that all the time!"

It's awesome. I just wish people were a titch more sensitive to the incredible sacrifice (physical and otherwise) it is to bear and raise children. I mean, I can take all the prodding and squishing and "when are you going to be skinny again?" from my own kids, but we really shouldn't have to take it from strangers or especially friends, right? (I promise you - if you're tempted to confirm how cool you are for "sensing" that a friend is pregnant before they're willing to go public, Just Don't. The risks far outweigh the benefits.)

That's just my two cents. Ladies, be proud of those amazing bodies, whatever shape they're in! And let's try to celebrate the bodies of our friends with the same respect by not saving our compliments only for when she's lost a bunch of weight.

But if it happens to you... shrug it off. Have a laugh! Have a cry even. But love that miraculous body and be patient with it. It brought your your perfect babies! It's one of your biggest blessings and glories and should be treated with kindness and grace, no matter what shape or size it is today. But remember, just because someone "has a soft spot for pregnant mommies" doesn't mean you have to go through the rigamarole of setting them straight, either - just take that offered seat or opened door, guilt free and enjoy it, sister! You still deserve it and are saving you both from an awkward conversation. :)

WWM Award

 I've oft been frowned at for allowing my kids free reign of the banister or to hang over precipices and other such dangerous shenanigans. But the climbing gene runs deep in our blood...

turned the corner to find her here (10 months)

 Have you ever felt like you're the World's Worst Parent? This post's for you. Even though getting unsolicited criticism from a stranger is arguably the lowest blow a parent can receive, I do wonder what strangers think of me sometimes.  

Eating off the floor? Check. 

Playing outside shoeless & unsupervised? Check.

Not installing enough baby-proofing gadgets? Check.

Riding sans helmet on occasion? Check. 

Playing with balloons? Check.
Forgetting a child at the bus stop? Check.
Not enforcing a brush-your-hair rule? Check.

Leaving them home (with me on the cell) for a quick errand. Check. 

I'm not always in top form, but I think we do alright. Okay, I could step it up a notch at times. Who couldn't?

I definitely feel like I deserve the World's Worst Mom award when I notice another booger wiped on the wall. Or see my impatience mirrored in their reactions to things. But my 5 year old knows how to scrub a bathroom and make her own lunch, so...

You pick your battles, and for me, letting a kid dress like Pippi Longstocking for a few years is just not that big of a deal. I choose to believe I'm giving them ample opportunities to practice their independence, which is a plus, right?

(this is where I knock on wood)

When I start having a few too many WWM moments, I find solace in some of my favorite reads. If you are aiming to raise your kids into responsible, contributing members of society while maintaining a loving atmosphere in the home, snag these books, chock-full of real advice on how to get there:

 Parenting With Love & Logic

The Parenting Breakthrough

Christlike Parenting

Teaching Your Children Values

Mother's Day Tribute

Mother's Day has never been a guilt trip day for me, but I do have to manage my expectations, especially with little ones around. For instance, today one of my children was so naughty that I actually shed tears of frustration. (Can't remember the last time that happened - go figure.) But another crept quietly into my bed and and snuggled me til my spirits lifted. And then Dad cooked three different types of fish for dinner! So, definitely a good day.

If I could take just a second to send out a tribute to my mother and mother in law... it's still Mother's Day in the States so this counts, right? :) I've reflected lately at how little we consider motherhood until we are actually down in the trenches of it. There's no way I could have ever appreciated the depth of sacrifice and loving commitment my mother devoted until recently. Every year I gain a slightly clearer perception of the sheer logistics of my mother(s) accomplishments in raising 6-7 children so well. It's just not something you can really describe with our limited human vocabulary.

Motherhood is an exercise of the heart.

No matter what culture, society, financial income or walk of life, mothers are bound by one common thread. Love. Pure, unadulterated, other-worldly, powerful LOVE. It's a force not to reckoned with, measured or equaled. In this sense I share the same sentiment so many others have before me - the complete, albeit impossible to communicate, indebtedness I feel towards my beautiful mother and my overwhelming desire to live up to her example as I now, in turn, am a mother.

When I say "in the trenches" I don't mean to paint it darkly (although, let's not pretend it isn't THE hardest job on earth) but the struggle of it is so gloriously off-set by the exhilarating joy of those special, unexpected moments unveiled at random, as to completely overshadow the rough patches. Motherhood is the most rewarding job on earth. No matter how hard the duties, the simple love of a child outshines every strain.

And this is what I'm learning. And what my mother(s) learned before me. And what my daughters will get to learn in turn. It's God's gift to women and I'm grateful every day for it. And whether a woman gets to enjoy such a blessing in this life or the next, we all have been mothered and endowed with innate qualities that allow us to nurture and love like only women can. So, on this Mother's Day, allow me to share a few of my favorite qualities of my mothers that I hope to emulate.

My #1 fan during Beauty & the Beast. (And only picture of mom I have on this computer!)

My mother, is one of those golden women who can seriously do it all. Multi-talented (knitting, violin, sewing, piano, dance, teacher, Miss Utah, etc.) and multi-tasking extraordinaire (a TN friend witnessed her applying makeup with one hand, punching down bread dough with the other while nursing me in the car-line pick up at school, no joke!) she is a go-go-go, do-do-do type of lady. Needless to say, she gave us a full childhood. She is thrifty, organized, resourceful, creative, cheerful and never says "no." Exhibiting an energizer-bunny level of energy, her enthusiasm for even the lowest of tasks is contagious. Life is fun with Bonnie around. And talk about an adored grandma. She is so present when she's around children - always laughing, hugging, down on their level and utilizing every teaching moment. It's beautiful to watch. Her most admirable quality though is easily the amount of selfless service she gives. She has an unbelievably high tolerance level for inconvenience, in fact she probably doesn't even see it as such, so she is able to meet others needs and desires to a heroic degree. If I could do half as much for other people as she does, I'm sure I'd earn my place in heaven. I love you, Mom!

Mom Lorayne at Summer's baby blessing.

And I should really have Darren add to this, but from my perspective I've been blessed with the best mother-in-law a gal could have. Lorayne is one solid lady. Raised 7 children strong in the gospel with no background experience to speak of, and virtual mother to hundreds more in the single adult wards she's served, she is the epitome of quiet strength. She serves without expectation, is a generous giver of unexpected gifts and a pure example of what it means to be "without guile." She's a kick, too. So quirky and fun, she's the first to laugh at herself and always the one to see the silver lining. With a positive outlook on every discouragement life might bring, nothing seems to get her down. She quietly goes about helping, teaching, and giving of herself with no sense of fanfare or reward. A truly selfless soul, I love her like my own. And every grandchild is enamored with her gentle love. Not only does she act as a sort of anchor of stability for those around her, but she's been blessed with the unique gift of knowing when to step in, and when to step back and let you find your wings. What a blessing she is in our lives! I love you, Lorayne!

Happy Mothers Day!

Mr. Man

After getting chewed out by yours truly for the third time of the evening, he sulked upstairs with "if you are a troublemaker ONE more time, I'm not coming in to kiss you goodnight" ringing in his ears. Once the girls were settled, I crept in to find my boy, all tucked in, seriously engrossed in the scriptures. I gazed in astonishment, got tears in my eyes, and backed out silently. Four full scripture pages later, I tucked him in with more than one kiss and we snuggled up for a chat.

About his power to turn himself around. 

About how good it feels to choose well.

About how the spirit had flooded his little heart on page 2. 

Then he asked if I would make him a sign so he could  remember to do this again instead of making trouble. He described in exact detail what it should look like, then told me right where to tape it so he'd see it first thing in the morning. 

That's my boy. 

Little moments like this are what I hang my hat on when he's raising all sorts of hell in this home - that sweet, good, giant spirit inside that just needs some extra coaxing, some extra love amidst all the reprimands, scolding, and responsibilities that come with "oldest child" territory. The attention seeking behavior tells me he needs more one on one.

Oh how I love him. And how quickly his tender heart forgives. How I need to be more gentle and patient and forgiving as he learns self-control. And learn a bit more of it myself. Thank goodness for heart-softening moments to re-focus my mothering.

So I can remember things like:

his complete adoration of his littlest sis

his quirky faces

his goofball, life of the party nature

how he makes these girls tough, but keeps it gentle

his boyish must-have-a-stick-in-my-hand habits

his Ringleader presence

his ability to make friends instantly

his instinct to be fair - always a team player

the first to celebrate every family achievement

Washing's on the Line

All of a sudden I found myself thrust back into the 1950's with clothes flapping in the breeze and children scampering underfoot. They thought it was brilliant.

I loved this afternoon.