Road to Recovery

Soooo, one infection is gone!!! Hip Hip Hooray! After my online plea for prayers, a cute friend from my middle school French class messaged me on Facebook with some Hallelujah advice from another friend to try steroid cream. (Hers was a similar situation with all the GP's meds/creams failing for months before she visited a dermatologist who saw instantly it was a stress rash some mums get while breastfeeding, NOT thrush.) You can wait as long as 3 months for an appointment with a specialist here, so I just threw on some strong steroid I had in the medicine cabinet and voila! I cannot describe the freedom I feel to be rid of this ailment! With such simple advice!! So if there's anyone out there that I could pay it forward to (and save them months and months of nursing pain) I figured I'd lay it all out here.

Ahem. Feel free to skip this post if you have no interest in the dirty details...

For the last 3 months I've had recurring cracks and sores on my nipples. Not only is this very painful when you're feeding your toothy, teething baby 5+ times a day, but it's super inconvenient because:

a) I couldn't wear a bra (when I'd put one on for church, scabs would adhere to the fabric)
b) or a shirt

which was a problem because...

a) I don't live alone (my poor 10 year old son!)
b) it's winter here and topless gets COLD
c) sometimes I need to leave the house (you know carpools, shopping, life in general)

I also couldn't nurse without wanting to scream, or sleep on my stomach, or hug my children, or hold my baby normally because any touch of the nipples, however light, was excruciating. After breastfeeding 5 babies I knew this wasn't normal wear and tear because I never seemed to heal. It started with Des having thrush in his mouth and I figured I caught it from a bite from him (and it fit all the symptoms I'd been scouring online.) Desmond's mouth thrush took a couple rounds of Nystatin before clearing up, but it didn't touch mine so I tried 3 other anti-fungal creams (basically athlete's foot meds) and eventually a heavy duty pill every other day to try to "kill" the supposed yeast overgrowth that causes thrush. I'd never had a yeast infection of any type so this was all new territory for me. Along with each of those failed medical interventions I also applied a medley of:

- yogurt
- coconut oil
- essential oils
- Lansinoh
- vinegar rinse
- breastmilk
- raw milk

And took internally each day: heaps of yogurt, coconut oil, essential oils, probiotics, grapefruit seed extract, raw milk, raw garlic, fish oil, cod liver oil, Cat's Claw, Vit C, multivitamins, echinacea, iron, spirulina, chlorophyll, and placenta. (about 35 pills actually)

I also heard that sunlight kills yeast so I would sun my nips in the backyard for a half hour each day too. (Got a wicked inverse tan to prove it. I never thought Canberra was "cold" until this year, either!) 

Then I drastically cut things from my diet which eventually became:

- no sugar
- no yeast
- no dairy
- no fruit
- no wheat
- no vinegar/soy/fermented anything
- no sweeteners of any kind
(basically, I eat veggies, nuts/seeds, goat products, meat/eggs, with rice & oats as my only grains)


Again, all this stuff takes time - finding/prepping allowable foods, applying the salves, researching the remedies, washing hands and linens and everything else vigilantly, cutting peepholes into long sleeve shirts, scrambling for cover with a knock at the door, bundling up for daily "sun therapy", keeping anxious little hands and mouths off my exposed parts (must have seemed like an open invitation!), more researching, popping pills, rinsing and airing before/after feeds, etc., etc., etc.

Throw on top of that a heavy schedule of activities, responsibilities and very little sleep due to a sick teething baby and pottytraining toddler with night fears (I haven't had more than 3 consecutive hours sleep in 6 months) and you've got a recipe for disaster. Exhausted, malnourished, depleted, in pain & losing hope by the hour.

No wonder I was going crazy, right? And then hit rock bottom. Because nothing was working. Which is where you found me asking for prayers. And if I hadn't asked for cyber prayers, my sweet FB friend wouldn't have messaged me her saving advice and I would still be crying myself to sleep at night and snapping at my family from the end of my frayed rope.

They've been so forgiving. Being a mum of five - there's a lot to do. And the kids and Darren have really stepped up to take some of the load off. I finally agreed to take a hiatus from everything but my family responsibilities for a couple weeks. Off the radar. Only the basics. While friends encouraged me to make it 2 months, I am deeply grateful for their urgings because these two weeks have been amazing. The guilt at backing out and saying no has been nothing compared to the pure joy of laying down midday for a nap. And accepting with gratitude the offers of help, food, rides and babysitting. I feel so blessed to have such friends! And I feel equally buoyed by your prayers from afar.

I'm sticking to the diet a bit longer (I'll share some recipes on another post -- heaven help you if this is how you have to eat all the time!) because my body is still sorta jacked up, but I am definitely ON THE MEND. I'm even 5 days away from the end of a 40-Day Meditation I started as another desperate attempt at healing. Yay me!

I feel life brightening up again. And I thank you for your part in that. Stay tuned...

Sick

Might I ask for a prayer or two?

I've never made an online plea and I know there are much bigger problems out there, but I do believe in miracles through the power of prayer.

I'm struggling with some debilitating feelings of discouragement this week as it comes up on 5 months of being ill. (wicked sinus/chest/candida-ish infections) I've tried every avenue I could possibly try, to no avail. I've never felt so depleted, defeated or low at any stage in my life and seeing as the strains on my health and sanity aren't going away anytime soon, I need the requisite strength to endure this.

Whether it's for "more faith" (I was promised in a blessing 10 days ago that it would leave my body), "healing" (the pills the doc said would "nuke it" haven't), or "endurance" (the naturopath said it could take many months) any prayer or positive vibes sent my way would feel a relief. Between the pain (perpetual nipple sores), lack of sleep (both babies have restless nights), church assignments (Stake young women/camp/directing the Roadshow - a whole other can of worms), my sister's family coming in 2 weeks, and all easy or enjoyable food being ripped from my life (desperate dietary restrictions) - I just cry a lot. And kind of want to run away. (Or sustain some major injury that demands hospitalization for a week - you know something's off when that's your "perfect scenario.") Darren has stepped up, friends take Summer on occasion, and I am improving my ability to say no, but have found myself lost in a fog of frustration and grumpiness that no amount of meditation or naps or prayer has buoyed me out of lately. And unfortunately, I'm not the only one paying for it.

Admittedly, I got myself into this mess by having 5 young children and moving halfway around the world (and taking too much on,) but if you could find it in your heart to send up a little prayer for me, I'd be ever so grateful!

And then go eat a pound of chocolate for me too. Seriously.

xo

************************************
Post-edit: A beautiful friend who's battled this same illness in the past, swept in the day of this post with food, vacuuming, laundry, strong counsel and enforced rest. That night both babes slept through for the first time in over 3 months. The following morning another angel friend waltzed in unannounced to clean and watch the kids while I napped. Between these godsends, your prayers, and kind comments, I'm overwhelmed with the outpouring of such loving support! I've found the courage to drastically cut back and drop all but the basics for a while in hopes that the rest and reduced stress will allow my body to recover. Maybe that's the whole point of this lingering ailment? Still something I need to learn... Thank you, dear friends, for getting me a little closer to healing with all the prayers and loving encouragement - what priceless gifts that I hope to reciprocate in your day of need!

One of Those Days

It ain't pretty 'round here. To ensure you never think we're all rainbows and butterflies, making granola and having read-a-thons all day long, let me just record a run down of the last 24 hours or so:

carless (school break so Dad drives to work)
Mom & baby with thrush
pottytraining toddler with post flu-shot diarrhea (epic accidents)
washing/disinfecting/laundry galore
baking/cleaning/setting up for...
7 yr old birthday slumber party!!!
sick baby & night terror toddler up all night (party guests slept fine)
13 hours of child care (Dad had to work late)
school sores return on Will & Dad
administer lots of medicines
baby falls off bed and down some stairs
5 drop dead serious sibling fights
2 teary breakdowns for mom (overwhelmed/painful breastfeeding sores*)
heavy weeding for upcoming house inspection
baby enjoys lengthy nudie time after bath
then also deposits post flu-shot diarrhea everywhere
Mom enjoys 3 (short) baths for post flu-shot aches/chills
5 kids storm the bathroom to chat with mom during said baths
older kids help make dinner, babysit and concoct a comfy couch-bed for Mom
pillows/blankets/clothes are dragged into the under-stairs cubby for the kids
Mom is simultaneously overwhelmed and relieved to have 5 children
Dad forbids flu shots next year


Awesome, right? Honestly, though, I think it's times like this that I can't help but smile because man, I'm doing it you know?! This is the trenches! This is my life. And I love it. Probably because I'm a sucker for a challenge. The crazier each stage is, the more I know I'll look back on it fondly, proud to have pulled it off without too much collateral damage. It's brutal and self-inflicted, but it's pretty great too. The sweet hand on the cheek, the imaginative free play, the snuggling/giggling/tickling/wrestling, the unsolicited I Love Yous. They are so funny and cute and clever and endearing, albeit hard and irresponsible and exasperating and messy. Parenting a large family is not for the faint of heart! But people have been doing it for eons and pulling it off (while pulling their hair out) and it makes me feel part of the cycle of life. When I discover a particularly tender library book with Summer, where all the pictures show the fun, enthusiastic kids with their loving, harried mom keeping things up in the background. Or catch a beautiful moment in another mom's life, as she soothes a scraped knee at the park or expertly entertains her monkeys through the check out line or sheds a tear of pride at a recital. I get all teary and my heart swells for a bit in gratitude that I get to enjoy this job, every day, for at least a few years on this earth. And then we'll all move on - they'll be grown and life will change and evolve into other chapters that aren't quite so hands-on. But I know I'll miss their smothering love. Their desire to crawl right inside my skin as we read together. Or jump on my back like I'm a moving target every time I walk by the couch.

I read an inspiring post the other day from a sweet mom of six who notes that really it's only 10% of our lives, if that, that we spend right here doing this (baby care) day in day out. And it's priceless, it really is.



* If anyone knows of a fail-proof thrush remedy, do tell! If I have to nurse any longer with stabbing pain and open wounds I might just die. I discreetly got some sun on them in the backyard today at the doc's suggestion. Also been taking and/or applying: nystatin, coconut oil, yogurt, breastmilk, clove/tea tree oil/vinegar swabs, Lansinoh, vitamin C, echinacea, spirulina, chorophyll, placenta, fresh garlic, and On Guard. (Sidenote: it's awkward enough to go braless, let alone topless, when you're 10 year old son is home all day...) My defenses are down from 2 recent all-nighters and an 8 week chest cold, but I'm starting to lose hope in all my natural remedies! Or maybe I should wonder how much worse it might've been...? Help a sista out!!

New Lease on Life

Coming up for air here.... Darren has been down and out for 8 days. EIGHT DAYS. Rotavirus is a wicked, wicked thing. Just ate his first real meal tonight and even tried to drag himself to work, but about fainted in his weakened, shriveled state. We'll try again tomorrow. 'Cause sick days are long gone and vacay days are running out...

Annie on the other hand has been thrilled with her new lease on life in the same 8 days. We were all in grand anticipation, counting down the minutes of her 9+ week hindrance (although she ditched her crutches the final two weeks and walked on that cast, oh yes she did.)

 Her leg had shrunk considerably - can't imagine what it would've looked like had she not even been putting weight on it.

could she be any happier?

 Seriously, grodey. She'd been plagued with itchiness at the end and I'd been shoving coconut oil down it, but we were all unprepared for the nasty, bloody, peeling rashiness that emerged.

She's doing great though. Definitely still crippled with muscle atrophy and her foot was set weird so she walks funny, but the bones look good and she's on her way to a full recovery. And she can finally join us in the pool!!!

 We had some surprise guests right as Darren got sick, who ended up pulling us through a crazy day of appointments and meetings I couldn't skip. Our sister in law's brother and his wife stopped in for a couple days. They got some sightseeing in, laundry done (they're doing as much of Oz in 3 weeks as they can) and received some very pathetic hospitality from us ("here's a recipe for pavlova - make it, it's the best - we can eat it when I get home late tonight after you put our kids to bed!") But we did get in some Tim Tam slams, bush fires, Weet-Bix, Vegemite toast and kangaroo bike rides, so not totally a bust. Here's our only pic (congratulating his sis, Aunt Leah, on their newest arrival - hooray!)

 So basically, what followed was one of the worst weeks on Mitchell record with Darren treacherously ill, all the kids home, trying to guess which ones might also be carrying the virus (keeping said kids sanitized and out of  pools), denying playdates, attempting physical therapy, caring for the invalid, cleaning up and disinfecting perpetual episodes of sick, laundry laundry laundry, shopping for obscure possible remedies like grapefruit seed extract, and to top it off - daily ant infestations.

Like ants everywhere, multiple times a day. Leave a dinner dish out, BAM, they're back. Spray 'em dead. Wash chemicals and ant bodies off everything. Open a cupboard, BAM, shelf crawling with them. Spraying frenzy ensues. Summer spits out some sugary nuts, BAM, the ant apocalypse. Spray, wash, sanitize, repeat. Crying baby. Ailing husband. Poopy toddler. Grumpy kids. Washing hands twelve hundred times a day. It has been quite the party 'round here!

So now, I'm optimistic that it's a new lease on life for us too, as we emerge victorious. Every nook and cranny is sprayed, one final disinfectant push tomorrow and hopefully, we'll be out of the woods. Because if not, I might just crawl into a hole and die. We are both so thrashed. Poor Darren, he's been totally incapacitated. Brutal.

But thank goodness for prayer and ipods and blessings and the wii and friends and good weather and nice neighbors with pools and semi-self-sufficient kids. And bless those books. What a different summer this would've been without my strict "one hour of reading per day" rule. These guys are flying through series and absolutely jazzed about it. Books cannot be overpraised.

(Makes me remember fondly those childhood summers when I'd spend hour upon hour, nose in a book, swinging in our hammock on the deck, listening to the stream below. "Go out and play soccer or call a friend or something" my mom would gently urge, but man, nothing beat reading the day away.)

So thanks for the prayers and kindness. I literally just smashed a spider on my face. That's my cue - it's over - I'm going to bed now. I reached the end of my rope tonight and absolutely hate putting kids to bed in tears, but tomorrow's a better day. I bet we won't get ants. Darren will probably make it back to work. And I might even get to sleep in my own bed again (been keeping nursing babe far away from the sick bed.) And hey, we dodged all the bush fires! Things are looking up.