I've oft been frowned at for allowing my kids free reign of the banister or to hang over precipices and other such dangerous shenanigans. But the climbing gene runs deep in our blood...
Have you ever felt like you're the World's Worst Parent? This post's for you. Even though getting unsolicited criticism from a stranger is arguably the lowest blow a parent can receive, I do wonder what strangers think of me sometimes.
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| turned the corner to find her here (10 months) |
Eating off the floor? Check.
Playing outside shoeless & unsupervised? Check.
Not installing enough baby-proofing gadgets? Check.
Riding sans helmet on occasion? Check.
Playing with balloons? Check.
Forgetting a child at the bus stop? Check.
Not enforcing a brush-your-hair rule? Check.
Forgetting a child at the bus stop? Check.
Not enforcing a brush-your-hair rule? Check.
Leaving them home (with me on the cell) for a quick errand. Check.
I'm not always in top form, but I think we do alright. Okay, I could step it up a notch at times. Who couldn't?
I definitely feel like I deserve the World's Worst Mom award when I notice another booger wiped on the wall. Or see my impatience mirrored in their reactions to things. But my 5 year old knows how to scrub a bathroom and make her own lunch, so...
You pick your battles, and for me, letting a kid dress like Pippi Longstocking for a few years is just not that big of a deal. I choose to believe I'm giving them ample opportunities to practice their independence, which is a plus, right?
(this is where I knock on wood)
When I start having a few too many WWM moments, I find solace in some of my favorite reads. If you are aiming to raise your kids into responsible, contributing members of society while maintaining a loving atmosphere in the home, snag these books, chock-full of real advice on how to get there:
I love this, Ivey. And I totally agree. Today my Eli asked why I wouldn't let him do something (I can't even remember what, as it just blended into so many other moments of the day) and I said, "Because I'm the worst mom ever." He said, "Well, will you be a better mom and then I can do it?" I love the wisdom of 4-year-olds! You should check out the books The Continuum Concept and Hold On To Your Kids. The second one rocked my whole thought process about parenting.
ReplyDeleteIvey, i love you even more because of these things. I don't even own helmets, or plastic covers for my outlets... And my seven year old cooks ramen, wait for it, ON THE STOVE. whatever, she's smart, self-sufficient and wonderful. All four of my kids are. Sooo... Yeah, we do alright.
ReplyDeleteIvey, look at my children... they've barely had a rule in their lives other than "respect what mum says". I never owned a stair gate, never had a 'bed time, put them to bed exhausted without brushing their teeth, was a little late changing a nappy so it was hanging around a toddlers ankles and my kids are just fine.
ReplyDeleteLet them be who they are... too many adults are messed up because of ridiculously imposed restrictions on them largely dictated by an uptight society.
Those other people don't know your kids, they don't know you... do what you want to do. You're the mum and they look to me like the happiest bunch of kids. They don't grow up out of control, they grow up respecting you and your advice even more because they know that when mum does now and again say "No" it's usually a good idea to listen.
Some people always look for bad and some mothers love nothing more than to judge by some weird set of standards - usually based on outward appearance rather than on inner happiness. I know which is most important to me...
It's funny as now Nnenna's 18, and she doesn't do the things other 18 year olds do, people think that she was brought up strictly and that's how I managed to make her a decent, respectable, focused, dignified young lady - it was the opposite.
I let her be herself and guided when I really had to. Keep doing what you are doing and you and your kids will all be just fine... more than fine.
They will remember their mum as someone who didn't hold them back from having fun and who loved them enough to trust them to be themselves.
I hate when mum's feel inadequate, there's no measure or rule out there, making it up as you go along rather than trying to meet the standards of someone else is the best way.
I've rambled for too long, but this is something very close to my heart as I know exactly where you are coming from. I've had Daniel locked in cupboards and with his head stuck in chairs, he's been sawed out and had the fire service to free him. I've had an 18 month old at the top of the big slide in the park fighting for position amongst her 9 year old playmates and riding her bike at 3yrs old as fast as she could down hill at a dead end just because she wanted to see what happened when she crashed (with no helmet) but who cares? They loved it they were safe at the end of the day and they had fun getting there and they are our fun memories now.
More than that they are individual and independent and I just know that their kids will have a blast with them one day.
You're doing it right, right for you and right for your kids. You are an inspiration.
Can I just say that I love your blog!! I feel like the WWM most days! But we keep trying right? I started a blog not too long ago, check it out if your ever bored, http://imamaggienotamolly.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteYou, my friend, would NEVER win the WWM award. Your children are turning out beautifully.
ReplyDeleteI remember taking Grayson to the park when he was 3 or 4. He always wore his black Spiderman costume (and often a pirate hat, too). He would use our toy buckets and scoop water out of the pond by the park, make mud puddles on the walking path, and then play in it until he was covered in mud. At one point he was laying down in it, just enjoying the feel of the squishy stuff, and other people were walking by looking at me like, "What are you doing???" Many of the other moms in the ward kept telling their children to come back to the park and not play in the mud, but I loved watching him explore his environment. And I can't tell you how many times his Kindergarten teacher told me this year what a wonderful kid he is. We have crayon all over our walls, stains on our carpet, and Jonah can often be found climbing on the dining room table or computer hutch. That's just our life. :) Thanks for a great post!