Dates & Discipline

Chore Charts - love 'em or hate 'em? I love them. We've had a plethora over the years, but these current ones seem to really be sticking. Probably because they got to create them and mostly choose what things they're rewarded for. Now that we're beyond the "stay dry at night" and "flush the potty" stages, we're looking to improve all around character and the choices they make. More complicated than a sticker chart, but more fun to see them make better choices too.

So each time they finish a whole column of dots, they get a date with mom or dad. That generally involves some quality time on a little outing and a small treat - or they can cash in a few for a bigger outing like movies with popcorn. In fact Will allowed his sisters to join him at the movies by donating the extra "dates" they hadn't earned yet, from his hard won chart. Now THAT's a life lesson!

As far as chores go, we've moved away from a fortnightly allowance, to assigning $ to daily household chores. Do as many chores as you want to get as much $ as you want. Plus a bonus for doing all your jobs every single day that week. Darren was the mastermind there, and while I'm annoyed they don't HAVE to do their stuff anymore, I'm learning patience as I quit prodding and allow natural consequences to occur. We still need to tweak how much they must purchase on their own to make it motivating enough (special lunches at school, friends' birthday gifts, new shoes, etc.), but we're getting there. Here's Summer joining Annie and my "date" to make cookies.

I'm finding it's all about ownership. Kenna earned an maturity dot for proudly making dinner as a Faith in God assignment. Homemade mac'n'cheese. Yum. Sometimes Will even makes use of his early rising and prepares all three of their lunches, knowing at least 2 dots will be rewarded. What a nice start to the day. Even Sums is getting in on it.

Summer tells me she's "getting an effort dot" by emptying a tissue box and wrapping little jams up - heart melter

I'm trying to move away from all the lecturing and punishing by focusing as much as possible on rewarding the good. It's difficult. I find it hard to resist a good lecture in the heat of the moment. Or a nice lengthy time out. But I'm reading a fascinating book called Hold Onto Your Kids and it's giving me all sorts of exciting motivation to change my ways. Fix the relationship and the behavior will fix itself. I love it. Read it. I'm sure I'll need to do a whole other post once I'm finished. (Long, slow start with all the descriptions of today's parenting problems but really worth the read.)

The lawn has never been so trim. I'm getting doors opened for me and nagging way less. And they're learning to be generous as they share points to bail someone out. It'll be interesting to see how well it works out for Christmas presents though. We chose names and I've seen a lot of cash being blown on candy/treats instead of saved up for the sibling they've got. Hmmmmm.

What do you do to reward and/or discipline your littles? I'm always up for new ideas.